What to do?
I pray Father that you would teach me to speak. Teach me to use words, from the English language, from any language that will make sense to people so they be touched by you and your Holy Spirit.
I drove home today from Silverdale, where I just filled my tank with gas, and I could not stop thinking about my earlier years and dreams.
I remember making up songs at my grama's cabin and in my old apartment and just belting them out.
I remember in grade 3 being so scared to try out for the lead of my class play. I sat with my friends in our little desks in a square shape and they kept encouraging me to try out...I did eventually. I remember my 2 teachers looking at me. Encouragement and love flowing from their eyes. I got it.
I remember that same year doing my first solo act with a dress and mike and big 80's hair. I sang a song by Tanya Tucker, a famous country singer, about a tree bending in the wind.
I remember seeing you, God, there. Now I see you. My earthly parents were not, but you were. Thank you.
Thank you for blessing me with friends all the way through. Whether they were mean or nice, I never felt really alone. I usually had someone at school. Thank you for this special blessing.
I remember in high school going through every c.d. I knew to find what country song I could sing the best. I remember making dance moves to the songs like the performers I had seen on T.V. I remember the shouts I received after each opportunity on stage. I wanted to be an entertainer.
I remember having sleep-overs with my great friend Jen and we sang into my kereoke machine for hours together. I had sang with my friend Ashley and even sometimes, my brother and I would do duets together.
I remember crying in bed cause I wanted to be somewhat like Reba or Faith or Shania or Terri. I wanted it so bad.
Here I am again, crying.
I am going to Nashville. I am going to see a dear friend graduate from Mercy Ministries. I am going to Nashville, the country capital of the world.
On the ride home to Maple Ridge, I am hit with memories and dreams. Thoughts and wishes.
Why do I have these dreams deep within?
I don't want to be famous. I want God to have all the fame in heaven and on earth. He is the only one worthy.
The first year I came to a Christmas banquet at Generations-my church-4 years ago, I remember Barb Bradbury singing a song by Amy Grant, a Christian artist who is married to Vince Gill, a country artist. Why do I remember these things?
Jesus, here I am surrendering these things to you again. I do not know why I am crying but I do know that I trust in you. People say that 'God gives us desires in our hearts' but where is that in the scriptures and what is the context? I do not desire to be selfish and reap fame but to do what pleases you. I long to obey your every word. I long to be used by you to make your name known and loved more and more. I thank you that the tears are gone now and I pray that I would receive peace of mind that surpasses my understanding. I pray, my lover, that I would sleep in your arms tonight. I love you most of all, above all else. Be blessed, my beloved, and I will see you in the morning and in my dreams.
Thank you all for seeing a glimpse of this heart in these immeasurable words.
I drove home today from Silverdale, where I just filled my tank with gas, and I could not stop thinking about my earlier years and dreams.
I remember making up songs at my grama's cabin and in my old apartment and just belting them out.
I remember in grade 3 being so scared to try out for the lead of my class play. I sat with my friends in our little desks in a square shape and they kept encouraging me to try out...I did eventually. I remember my 2 teachers looking at me. Encouragement and love flowing from their eyes. I got it.
I remember that same year doing my first solo act with a dress and mike and big 80's hair. I sang a song by Tanya Tucker, a famous country singer, about a tree bending in the wind.
I remember seeing you, God, there. Now I see you. My earthly parents were not, but you were. Thank you.
Thank you for blessing me with friends all the way through. Whether they were mean or nice, I never felt really alone. I usually had someone at school. Thank you for this special blessing.
I remember in high school going through every c.d. I knew to find what country song I could sing the best. I remember making dance moves to the songs like the performers I had seen on T.V. I remember the shouts I received after each opportunity on stage. I wanted to be an entertainer.
I remember having sleep-overs with my great friend Jen and we sang into my kereoke machine for hours together. I had sang with my friend Ashley and even sometimes, my brother and I would do duets together.
I remember crying in bed cause I wanted to be somewhat like Reba or Faith or Shania or Terri. I wanted it so bad.
Here I am again, crying.
I am going to Nashville. I am going to see a dear friend graduate from Mercy Ministries. I am going to Nashville, the country capital of the world.
On the ride home to Maple Ridge, I am hit with memories and dreams. Thoughts and wishes.
Why do I have these dreams deep within?
I don't want to be famous. I want God to have all the fame in heaven and on earth. He is the only one worthy.
The first year I came to a Christmas banquet at Generations-my church-4 years ago, I remember Barb Bradbury singing a song by Amy Grant, a Christian artist who is married to Vince Gill, a country artist. Why do I remember these things?
Jesus, here I am surrendering these things to you again. I do not know why I am crying but I do know that I trust in you. People say that 'God gives us desires in our hearts' but where is that in the scriptures and what is the context? I do not desire to be selfish and reap fame but to do what pleases you. I long to obey your every word. I long to be used by you to make your name known and loved more and more. I thank you that the tears are gone now and I pray that I would receive peace of mind that surpasses my understanding. I pray, my lover, that I would sleep in your arms tonight. I love you most of all, above all else. Be blessed, my beloved, and I will see you in the morning and in my dreams.
Thank you all for seeing a glimpse of this heart in these immeasurable words.
posted by Salina | 1:17 a.m.
5 Comments:
hello hot thing
let's go out!
that's so awesome salina! lately the past few days i've been thinking a lot about what it was like when i was younger. how easy it seemed and how my life is now! so much has changed
Wanna know a secret???? I came across that song by accident just after Bev Mah died. I wanted to sing it at her memorial because the words were so perfect and I hoped comforting to her family. I was so scared to sing it and I still struggle with memories of how it turned out - I was so nervous but it was the very first time I ever felt like I was supposed to do something. I felt like God gave me that song - now looking back, I think maybe it was just for me but at the time I thought it was to be shared. I never sung it again after that night. That's too weird that you were thinking about that. I'm posting another message because I have more to say....
I think you were thinking of these things because God created you to be Creative. I totally don't believe he puts these desires in our heart for nothing. Maybe when you were younger that was your way of working it out. Today though? We are so blessed with your creativity in worship, dance, youth. You are putting his gifts into place. It's soooooo awesome when we are stepping into who he created us to be and I think he created you amazingly!!!
Hugs.
i miss u salina!
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